Billy Bob Thorton and the Boxmasters Interview

Please Choose the High Road…..

Please Choose the High Road
by Ruth Gordon, LCSW

I write this as a recovering “low roader“. In years past, when entering into an argument I was willing to pull out the big guns, try to “win” at all costs, and leave my so-called opponent bloody and wounded. I was tough! All that I garnered from that approach was lowered self-esteem, a guilty conscience, and a relationship that was difficult, sometimes impossible, to repair. I knew how to make people fear me and actually thought of that as a positive trait.

Anger is an important emotion. You will never hear me advise you to squelch your irritation and just be “sociable and friendly” (I cannot tell you how many times my father told me to do just that — I never listened). The trick is to figure out what to do with your feelings of outrage, frustration and indignation while holding on to the standards you have set for your own behavior.

If you have a short fuse, just know that that’s how you respond. It’s neither good or bad. For your own protection, put some space between the incident and your response. Counterattack probably feels good to you in the short term but there’s a good chance you will experience some regrets down the road. You can even let the “other” know that you have a reply but you will deliver it at a later date. Do not interpret prudence as weakness. Adults value discretion.

Suppose you are someone who lets it all build up. Well, you know what happens with that — a big explosion, and, sometimes, stress related illnesses. Neither is a very good alternative. The other person is likely to respond with something like, “Why didn’t you tell me that bothered you?” and you will be left flummoxed and muttering something like “I didn’t want to complain about little things”.

Look guys, it’s the little things that make up the fabric of our lives. You could preface your wish that your friends take off their shoes at the door (or some such thing) with, “I know this is a little thing but…”. Whatever response you receive will sure beat the one you get if you let the fur fly.

A lot of people are on edge these days. Anxiety, fear and sadness can all be masked as anger. Why? Because anger makes us feel powerful; allows us to believe that we are not victims. Check out your anger with yourself and see if you can figure out what’s really going on with you — you can’t treat a broken nail with a toothbrush or anxiety with a temper tantrum.

We are far more likely to demolish our self-esteem than anyone else. Regardless of the rationale, be careful in your responses. If you stoop too low, you are likely to not feel too great about yourself. It’s just not worth it. As for payback, be very, very careful with that little devil. Revenge is a set up for escalating and perpetuating what is already a bad situation. If someone steals your wallet, by all means, call the authorities, try to retrieve it, do what you can to recoup that which is yours. You would be foolish to go out and steal the thief’s wallet.

You may have the illusion that you can make someone experience what your injury feels like. Come on back down to earth. No one else is you! Your past, your genetic makeup, your lifestyle and so much more go into making you a unique, inimitable human being. Besides that, people have a way of teaching themselves their own best lessons. Leave it to the fates, or whatever you believe in, and spend your time making plans that enhance your life rather than harm another’s.

I’m sure you’ve all had the experience of having a falling out with someone only to discover, at a later date , that you wish to reestablish contact. That’s kind of hard to do if you’ve gone for the jugular and caused that person to feel humiliated or shamed. People like me are always urging you to be proactive rather than reactive. What that means is that it’s a good idea to step back and think before you speak or act. You may not deliver the witty putdown you had in mind, but you also will not wish you had bitten your tongue out or regret your lack of access to a memory altering drug.

A maxim that I have always heeded is that if a relationship cannot be changed in a way that you are able to put up with, that’s the time to understand that there is nothing left to say. Don’t stick around so that you can deliver the final blow. Preserve your dignity, and just let it be. This doesn’t mean that you should stop talking to that individual, like, “Hi, how are you?”, but it does mean that if, on a regular basis, you feel worse after you’ve spent time with that individual, your wisest course may be to turn your attention elsewhere. If you can’t connect, you can’t connect.

Be true to yourself. Listen to your own voice and be proud of who you are.

W.A.P

The End of the Beginning

From the NY Times

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By ROGER COHEN
Published: June 23, 2009

TEHRAN — Iran’s 1979 revolution took a full year to gestate. The uprising of 2009 has now ended its first phase. But the volatility ushered in by the June 12 ballot-box putsch of Iran’s New Right is certain to endure over the coming year. The Islamic Republic has been weakened.

During one of the violent clashes here in recent days, I saw a member of the riot police confront a protester holding a cell phone. “Don’t take a photograph of me!” he yelled at the young man.

“Why?” the man shouted back. “You’re not naked.”

But the Islamic Republic is. Everyone knows where everyone stands; it isn’t pretty. All the fudge that allowed a modern society to coexist with a theocracy inspired by an imam occulted in the 9th century has been swept away, leaving two Irans at war.

One of those Irans, embodied in the 12-member Guardian Council, the highest legal body, ruled in a preliminary statement on Tuesday that “no major fraud” had occurred in the vote and that its annulment was therefore impossible. Not much surprise there, in that Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, the supreme leader, made clear last week that the recount was a waste of time.

Of course, the definition of “major” is up for debate. Khamenei himself said rigging one million votes might be feasible, and the council found irregularities with three million votes.

But numbers have ceased to mean anything here. All the evidence is that percentages were simply allotted to each candidate and the votes cast backward-engineered from there. The Interior Ministry took 10 days to divulge results for all provinces. Such engineering takes time.

Iran has squandered a huge opportunity to bridge the gulf between the regime and an increasingly sophisticated population thirsting for greater freedom. A vibrant election campaign opened a door. It has been slammed shut.

“The Islamic Republic is the flag-bearer of human rights,” Khamenei declared in his Friday sermon. Over the past week, it has looked more like a flag-bearing police state.

True, the regime has not opened fire Tiananmen Square-style on the millions who have taken to the streets. I don’t believe it has the unity to do that. Significant cracks have emerged within the establishment, certainly the largest since the bloody first couple of years after the revolution. Relentless official attacks on foreign agents as the instigators of unrest have not papered over these divisions.

As the Association of Combatant Clergy, which represents more liberal mullahs in Qom, said in a statement: “What sane mind believes that a peaceful movement of millions of informed people — including workers, shopkeepers, farmers, students, clergy and others — could be agents of a so-called enemy?”

I said the Islamic Republic has been weakened. Why? I see five principal factors. The first is that the supreme leader’s post — the apex of the structure conceived by the revolutionary leader Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini — has been undermined. The keystone of the arch is now loose.

Khamenei, far from an arbiter with a Prophet-like authority, has looked more like a ruthless infighter. His word has been defied. At night, from rooftops, I’ve even heard people call for his death. The unthinkable has occurred.

The second is that the hypocritical but effective contract that bound society has been broken. The regime never had active support from more than 20 percent of the population. But acquiescence was secured by using only highly targeted repression (leaving the majority free to go about its business), and by giving people a vote for the president every four years.

That’s over. Repression will be broad and ferocious in the coming months. The acquiescent have already become the angry. You can’t turn Iran into Burma: The resistance of a society this varied and savvy will be fierce.

The third is that a faction loyal to President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, fiercely nationalistic and mystically religious, has made a power grab so bold that fissures in the establishment have become canyons.

Members of this faction include Hassan Taeb, the leader of the Basiji militia; Saeed Jalili, the head of the National Security Council and chief nuclear negotiator; and Mojtaba Khamenei, the reclusive but influential son of the supreme leader.

They have their way for now, but the cost to Iran has been immense, and the rearguard action led by Ali Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani, a father of the revolution, and Mir Hussein Moussavi, the opposition leader, will be intense.

The fourth is that Iran’s international rhetoric, effective in Ahmadinejad’s first term, will be far less so now. Every time he talks of justice and ethics, his two favorite words, video will roll of Neda Agha Soltan’s murder and the regime’s truncheon-wielding goons at work. The president may prove too much of a liability to preserve.

The fifth is that, at the very peak of its post-revolution population boom, the regime has lost a whole new generation — and particularly the women of that generation — by failing to adapt.

Thirty years from the revolution, the core question of this election was: Must Iran stand apart from the forces of economic and political globalization in order to preserve its Islamic theocracy?

Or is it confident enough of its Islamic identity, and its now firmly established independence from America, to trash the nest-of-spies vitriol and an ultimately self-defeating isolation?

The answer has been devastating.

Girlfriend – Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix

Wrong

Hoping for an end to a long battle

For the last 9 months, we have been engaged in a battle with a disgruntled and estranged partner. Dishonest and indecent methods have been employed by the opposition, causing the dispute to drag on for as long as it has. Evidence has been gathered, subpoenas have been issued, and each battle in this war has become uglier and uglier.

As we approach the 1 year anniversary of the dissolution of a partnership consecrated in marriage, it feels at times that we are no closer to the end than we were on day one. As I have been a mere spectator in this ordeal, I can honestly say that there appears to be motives surrounding the issue that have nothing to do with the welfare or love of a child. Jealousy, anger, vindictiveness, pride, and pain seem to be the driving forces behind this fight.

At what point does a person understand that the failure of a relationship does not have to resort to finding out who can punch the hardest? When does each party in the failed relationship understand that there was no single act or event that resulted in the destruction of that union, and that the union itself was flawed at its inception? At what point do the individuals in question seize to be warriors and begin to be respectful, decent, and thoughtful stewards of a child who has found themselves at the center of a raging tempest?

I am not usually the praying type, but lately I have found a lot of reason to start. I hope with every fiber of my being that this battle comes to an end, and that all parties may find peace in the days ahead. I have faith that the universe is unfolding as it should, and that happiness will be found on both sides of the battlefield. I wish for the start of a new future, and the true beginning of a life with someone whom I truly respect and admire. I believe that we deserve this chance at happiness. I believe in karma, and that there is a lot of karmic capital that needs to be spent to allow for this new beginning.

I know there has been a lot of pain felt by those outside of this relationship. I know there are some that believe that our beginning was unjust or dishonest, but both of us (myself and my partner) know that we made sure we did things in the right order. We both tried very hard to make sure we did not begin our relationship while in the throws of another, and recognized how a dishonest beginning could have affected the emotional well-being of someone else. I can assure you, the reader, that there was no intent to hurt anybody by pursuing happiness. I can assure you that had either relationship not ended and had been one that was healthy and reciprocal, there would never had been this new relationship. I can say that knowing that I have no reason to lie or misrepresent what had taken place. We simply found ourselves single and wanting to go back to where we were happiest. With each other.

So, I am sending this out to the universe. Hoping to heal wounds felt by those who wish to see our demise. I wish to heal whatever pain is felt by persons who feel like they have been mistreated. I offer some sense of empathy for those who are hurting and wish things had played out differently. I offer an apology for things I could have done better, or things I had done that were just plain wrong. I am human and make mistakes — lots of them. I never claimed to be perfect and recognize that the evolution of my being relies on lessons to be learned from those mistakes.

Believe me, I have learned a lot about myself over the last couple of years, and I have learned a lot about love. I have learned what it means to truly give yourself to someone, and to not hold anything back from them, regardless of how vulnerable it makes you feel. I have learned a lot about my insecurities, and wrestle with them every day. I simply realize that I am never going to be perfect, but I will forever strive for self-actualization. This is my goal and my desire.

May all of you who read this feel peace.

-Michael

Ughh.

Listen. I could care less what Anne Price posts on her blog. I don’t read the damn thing; and quite frankly, I don’t need to witness someone wrestling with their demons in a public forum in an obvious effort to seek the approval and support of complete strangers.

I don’t care, and never will. I know what happened here, and I know how it all played out. Since Anne’s latest public (and pathetic) tirade did not give specifics about the HORRIBLE thing I said to her 13 year old daughter, let me enlighten all of you. Her pre-teen daughter was going to go to a concert with the son of a friend of mine. Tracey asked me for advice about whether or not she should let him go and asked about how things were in my house while Anne’s daughter lived here. I did not trash her daughter’s name, and I did not gossip about her. I told her that there were some serious issues that we had dealt with, and that I had no idea where she was with all of that now.

Her daughter then sent me a message on myyearbook.com, asking me to friend her. I made an account and added her as a friend. Then I got a message from her on that site telling me that she would appreciate it if I did not speak about “her business” with other people. I responded very directly by saying that I was not gossiping about her, and that I was responding to a concerned parent’s questions about the outing in question. Nothing more, nothing less.

I have nothing to apologize for.

As to Anne’s latest drivel regarding “moving on”….I don’t believe Anne has had to change her mobile number. I don’t believe Anne has had to hide her Facebook profile. I don’t believe Anne has had to put me on her “ignore” list in Yahoo Messenger, change her email address, or think about changing her land line number. The point here is that I have not contacted her at all. I’ve allowed phone calls to roll to voicemail. I have allowed text messages to go unanswered. I just don’t want to get into a back and forth with someone who, quite honestly, seems to thrive off of the attention.

So, I ask all of you. Please. Delete the bookmark that you have for Anne’s blog. If you are still too tempted to look at the latest bout of “WTF??” moments, add the URL to your router’s blocked list. It’s not worth your time or effort. All it does is cause me grief, and ya know what, I just don’t give a pinch of shit. As you will see with ALL of Anne’s posts, she never takes responsibility for the events in her life. It’s always somebody else’s fault, or a “dark cloud” of bad luck that follows her. In short, Anne will always be a perpetual victim. Nothing you say will cause her to “see the light”. Stop trying….I did.

So….to Anne. Please go back to gluing glass to wood, drawing trees, and doing whatever it is you do. I just don’t give a flying fuck. Twitter about your latest mouth-rot, or post your latest picture of yourself on MySpace, or Facebook, or whatever pre-teen social networking site you are on.

Idiot.

Get over it, beotch!!!!!